The other day a friend of mine and I were talking about her home buying experience. The ups and downs. The waiting and unknown. And the constant "Oh, one more thing." being told to her.
She and I are very similar- Type A, OCD...and all the other labels that go with being crazy, control freaks! Don't worry- she knows she falls into this category!
She then turned to me and asked me, "How are you doing this?" I said, "Doing what?" She replied, "This adoption thing. There are so many unknowns. You don't know when you are getting a baby, you have to be ready basically whenever, and you just have to wait. How are you doing it?" My initial response was, "Well, there is nothing to stress about at this point because we don't have a baby yet." But, her question got me thinking.
This adoption journey goes against every grain of my need-to-control-every-situation self.
This adoption journey goes against every plan I had in place...FOR ME.
This adoption journey goes against every Type A, OCD part of me.
This adoption journey has been the most incredible adventure I have ever been on.
I just had to JUMP!
Before I was married, I had a desire...I had a dream...to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
I know. I know. Totally crazy. But totally worth it.
As I climbed up into the plane, my heart began to race...just a little. As the plane ascended into the air and I watched the perfectly good ground go farther and farther away, I began to think, "What am I doing? What was I thinking?"
We finally hit 15,000 feet. Yes, you read that right. 15 THOUSAND feet above the ground! And it was time to jump. I had signed the waiver. I had watched the video. I had paid the fees. I had put on the jump suit. But nothing could prepare me for the moment of sitting on the edge of the plane, looking down to the ground below and being told, " 1. 2. 3. JUMP!"
My heart was racing. My palms were sweating. I was just a little scared.
I jumped.
And it was the most amazing feeling in the world! The ground that was so nice and secure, now looked so small and far away. However, the things I could have never seen while standing on the earth, were now so visibly clear. My perspective changed. If I had never jumped, I would have never been able to have witnessed my world from such a different point of view.
As I jumped, I had that momentary thought of, "What do I do if my parachute doesn't open?" It was in that moment that I had to have faith. Faith in the man I was tandem jumping with. Faith that the parachute had been packed correctly. Faith that the parachute would actually come open.
I could have been paralyzed by the fear of the "What if's" and never have left the comfort of the ground. Or, I could push past those fears, move out of my comfort zone, have faith and witness something that I would never had witnessed had I not jumped.
Seeing the world from that point of view was a moment I will never forget. It was truly amazing.
When it comes to this adoption, I can't be paralyzed by the "What if's."
What if we don't get enough financial support?
What if we are never chosen?
What if we are picked and the adoption falls through?
What if the baby comes in a few weeks and I'm not ready?
What if that baby turns into a teenager who rejects me and wants to be with his "real" mom?
Yes, the fears can be paralyzing and ones that should be worked through before continuing the journey.
But, ultimately, you just have to trust. I have to trust that I am doing what I believe I am called to do. I have to trust that the God of the universe is going to supply all my needs. I have to trust that my God is sovereign and in control of EVERY situation.
Dave and I have taken the adoption leap of faith. And we have been totally blown away by the support from those who are a part of our life! From the financial support through our fundraiser, the donation of all of my baby items, to the many who tell us they are daily praying for us, we have been so humbled and blessed!
Baby gifts!
All the envelopes to be sent for our fundraiser!
Puzzle pieces returning and generous donations being given!
When that desire, that dream, comes into your life and you know that it will be amazing but it will mean stepping out of your comfort zone- do it! When that desire, that dream, comes into your life and you know that it will mean a sacrifice on your part to be a blessing to someone else- do it!
So, to my dear friend who asked, "How are you doing this adoption thing?" I am doing it by having faith in a loving God who cares so deeply about me and who said to me, " Are you ready?"
"1. 2. 3. JUMP!"
